she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
