i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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