google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
