he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
