I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
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On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
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I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Never joke about your clitoris.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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