she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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