Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
