if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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