New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
