Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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