I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
