hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
