Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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