Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
