We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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