if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
