I puked a lego.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
