Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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