Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
