I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I showed him my bush... on skype.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize