Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
