I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
