what if every blade of grass was a penis?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
