god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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