just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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