I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
