Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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