she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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