I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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