I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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