I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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