I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
