you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
