sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
why didn't you poke me back
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
