in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
