everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
