I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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