i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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