cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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