I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
