weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
