I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
