Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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