My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
