Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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