Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
