I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
