ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
