Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
