we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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