I wanna bring you to show and tell
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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