I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
