I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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