I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
