U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
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