please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
