i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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