my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Oh god it's open bar.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
