Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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