trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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