he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
