he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week