if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
