Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
