Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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