Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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