I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
