Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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